Make A Heaven Of Hell
by AndrewHarvey
Summary: Andrew Harvey and His mother have traveled thousands of miles. Now they've finally found somewhere they can be safe, Alexandria. Things get confusing for Andrew when he begins feeling things for a certain blue eyed boy. Let's hope Alexandria is really as safe as Andrew hopes it to be.
1. Chapter 1: Smile

I looked at myself in the mirror barley recognizing the person standing before me. My hair was dark, curly, and looked a little dirty. I don't even remember the last time I cut it. My face seemed thinner than I remembered but more defined now. I'd gotten taller, I'm taller than my mom now. My body was much more toned than it was before, but still quite thin. My eyes were still as bright and blue as they were when this world went to shit. This is the first time I had the chance to actually stop and look at myself in months. Things aren't quite the same since the dead started walking.

My mom and I were held up in this little house less than 5 miles away from the city. We've spent months trying to get here to D.C. and now were almost there. We've been traveling for so long and now we've almost reached our goal. We've sacrificed a lot to get here and now we're just a couple hours away.

I walked down the stairs to find my mother eating something that looked like death itself out of a can.

"You want some Andrew?" She asked me.

I could see the the roots of her dark hair begin to grey. She herself was thin with a slight tone to her muscles. She'd aged so much since this began. She too had bright blue eyes once but now they seemed so dark. We've both been through so much and it's taken a toll on both of us but she just isn't the same anymore.

My mother used to spend her time helping the church, she ran Sunday school and organized charity events. She was always full of hope and saw the best in people. She always saw the best in me. Now she cries her self to sleep, if she ever sleeps, and barely talks anymore. Life just isn't the same.

"What is that!?" I asked looking at the can.

"I have no idea and it tastes horrible" She said.

"You know what I miss? Pizza! I could use a slice of pizza" I said while I packed my bag up.

"I miss a lot of things too." She said quietly without looking away from the can.

I did't mean to darken the mood but I could tell she was thinking about them.

We started out of the house and that's when we saw him. A man, in his late 30's, who looked quite clean, especially compared to us, dressed nicely, and stepped forward with his hands up.

"Hi I'm Aaron." He said with a small smile.

Both my mother and I pulled out our handguns and pointed then right at him. Neither of us said anything. We just watched as he slowly made his way closer to us. We hadn't seen someone living since we got close to the city. He stopped about teen feet in front of us.

"It's just you two right?" Aaron said to break the silence.

"What do you want" My mother said coldly.

"I just want you two to come back with me to my community and audition." Aaron stated plainly as if this what he said was common knowledge.

"What? Audition for what?" I asked him, completely confused.

"I want you two to audition for a spot in our community. It's only a little while from here. If we left now we could make it by lunch." Aaron said smiling a little more.

My mom looked back at me then back at Aaron. I could tell in her eyes that she wanted to believe him.

"What kind of community?" She asked, still pointing her gun.

"It's safe. We have walls and about 50 people. I've a been watching you and your son for some time. Anyway, I've seen how you guys act. You're good people well at least as far as I can tell. Now I'm just rambling. " Aaron said laughing a bit to himself.

"You've been watching us!?" She raised her voice and stiffened her grip on her gun.

"Uh yeah. I've got to make sure you're decent people before I approach you. There's a lot of bad people out there you know." Aaron said a little defensively.

"That makes sense… How can we trust you though? How do we know you're not lying." My mother asked. She lightened her grip on her gun.

"Well, you're just going to have to. If I wanted to kill you I could've done will you slept last night or any night since you got close to the city, but I didn't. I could have but, I did't." He said to her.

I could tell she was starting to give in. It didn't seem like she was going to put up a fight with him. I just hoped we could trust him.

"Fine. First you've got to give us any weapons you have before go anywhere with you. When we get there we'll give them back." She said to him lowering her gun.

"That sounds reasonable." Aaron agreed to her terms.

"Wait mom are you sure?" I asked her. We haven't had the best luck with people but I think she just really doesn't have the energy to fight anymore.

"Not really. What other option do we have though? If he's telling the truth then we can be somewhere where we can finally stay. We haven't stayed somewhere in so long. It's just an offer we shouldn't pass up." She said putting her hand on my gun and lowering it. I agreed with her.

Aaron took out a small hand gun and a knife and handed them to us and began to lead the way to his community.

"You're Andrew right" He said looking back at me as we walked down the road.

I said nothing back.

"I never caught your name" Aaron said to my mother.

"It's Kristie, Kristie Harvey. This is Andrew Harvey." She said to him.

"Hello I'm Deanna Monroe and welcome to Alexandria." Said and older women surrounded by a group of people. She must be their leader I thought. There were two people wearing what looked like police uniforms one a guy who looked just a few years younger than my mom and the other was a dark skinned girl with dreadlocks. Next to them was a boy only a couple years younger than I. He was kinda pale and had long brown hair and blue eyes like myself. There were more people further back all watching as my mother and I walked through their gate.

Their community was full of big, nice houses. The walls around them seemed sturdy enough. The people seemed happy too. I could see kids playing down the street. People were talking and laughing. They seemed happy.

"So why don't we begin with the interviews? Oh but first you have to hand over any weapons. They're still your weapons and your more than welcome to check them out whenever you leave these walls but as long as your in here no weapons are needed." The older lady said to us.

My mother nodded to me and I knew what she meant.

We handed our guns and Aaron's weapons to the older guy cop and the pale boy.

"I'm Rick Grimes and this here is my son Carl. Welcome to Alexandria." Rick said as he patted us down for any other weapons we might have hidden. We didn't have anything to hide.

"Nice to meet your Rick. I'm Andrew Harvey and this is my Mother Kristie." I said back with a smile and shook Rick and Carl's hands. I could already tell I was going to like it here.

"And this is Michonne" Rick said motioning to the dark skinned women who walked up.

"Her and I are the constables here. We're here to help keep the peace. If you have any trouble you can come find us. Anyway it's time for the interviews, Andrew you're first, you can follow Deanna, she'll be conducting them." He said motioning to the older lady.

"So why don't you begin by stating your name and where your from?" Deanna asked me.

We were in her living room, sitting on her couch with a camera pointed at me. I never thought I'd see a camera working again. This community felt like somewhere time had frozen and the dead never had started walking. They even had running water too. Everything here seemed so perfect.

"Uh yeah. I'm and Andrew Harvey and I'm from Washington." I said to her.

"Ohh so you're from around here? D.C. is a wonderful place isn't it?" She said smiling.

"No. Sorry I should have been more specific. I'm from Washington State." I said to her. Her face filled with shock.

"Woah. You're from the other side of the country! That's astonishing! Tell me, how did you and your mother make it all this way." She nearly yelled with excitement.

"Well in the beginning it was my Mother, Father, me, and my older brother, . We were all told to get to the big cities but my father was convinced we needed to make to Washington D.C. to really be safe. He had the notion in his head that this would be the only place the military would put real effort into protecting. So we got in the car and started driving. For awhile it was just the four of us, and the dead, but eventually we started meeting actual living people and they joined us. At one point we had up to 60 people traveling with us. My father lead us all but, the dead just kept attacking us but even worse the living had attacked us too. We kept going though pushing through any obstacle in our way. Focusing on the goal of getting somewhere, that we all hoped would be safe, seemed to keep most of us sane." I stopped talking and saw just how intrigued she was.

"Continue please." She said eager to hear more.

"Well when we made it to Illinois the number of roamers grew and grew. I guess that since the east coast was more populated the amount of roamers was higher too. Anyway we kept going but we were losing people everyday. My father managed to keep our spirits up but, once we lost my older brother he changed. He lost all hope. Once he did there wasn't much holding our group together so eventually it was back to just my mom. dad. and I. We lost my father only two weeks ago he got bitten."

"I'm so sorry for your loss." She said in what seemed to be a genuine tone.

"That's alright. My mom didn't take it too well though. She hasn't really been the same since this all started. Anyway after we lost my father my mother and I just didn't stop we kept going. Now we're here."

"That's an amazing story you've traveled so much." Deanna said while she digested everything I said.

"Yeah we haven't really stopped since this all began. We just kept moving." I said trying to smile so I seemed nicer. I wanted to stay here now. I was done moving. I wanted her to like me so my mother and I could stay. I could tell already that we needed to be here.

"Well that's a lot for someone your age… You're what 16? 17ish?" Deanna asked.

"I think 16. I haven't really kept track of the time. 16 sounds about right though." I replied with a smile. She smiled back but it was more of a smile of sadness she felt bad for me. I could tell. I didn't need her too we've all felt loss and have had a hard time lately.

"Well, what did your parents do before this?" She asked.

"My mother was mainly a stay at home mom but she spent most of her time helping at the church. My father was in the military. He was working on base before this happened. When things got crazy, everything was so disorganized my father just came and got us and we left." I replied.

"Well, since we're short of open houses currently, you'll be staying here with me and my family" Rick told us as he led me and my mother towards his home.

His house was just as nice as the other houses here. When we entered, the pale boy from earlier, Carl, was there playing with a baby. Along with him were Michonne and a new person. She was an older women with short grey hair and she was dressed like the people my mom used to hang out with at church. They all stopped talking as soon as we entered. The older women came towards us with a big smile.

"Hi I'm Carol. Nice to meet you two. I heard you both are from Washington state! That's so far away. Any who I better be going I've got a party to help set up. Hope to see you there tonight!" She said it all too cheery and she walked out the door with Michonne in tow. It was strange that they stopped talking the moment we walked in.

"Thank you for letting us stay here tonight. I'm surprised your trusting us enough to let us." My mother said to Rick quietly.

"Well Deanna and Aaron both seem to trust the two of you an there isn't much room to put anyone else for a few more weeks." Rick replied.

I walked over to Carl and the baby while my mother and Rick went into the kitchen to talk.

"That's one cute baby" I said sitting on the couch across from him.

"Yeah." He replied coldly.

"What's her name? She's a she right?" I asked hoping I was right.

"Yeah. Her name is Judith." He replied again just as coldly.

"Well Judith is just adorable. I never thought I'd see a baby again! I've always been great with kids." I said a little cheery. I was trying to lighten the mood a little.

"She is quite the miracle." He said smiling to her.

"Is she your sister or…?" I questioned, trying to find out something about this boy.

"She's my sister yes." He answered. He hadn't made much eye contact with me he just focused on his sister. I got the feeling he didn't trust me unlike his father who had seemed to begin too. I still couldn't believe they are having us stay in the same house as the ones with a baby. I wouldn't let no stranger near my baby. Of course I knew that neither I nor my mother would do anything to her, it's still strange.

"So where's your mom?" I asked, again trying to find out more.

"She's dead. She died after she had Judith." He said finally making eye contact with me. His blue eyes looked right at me. He looked emotionless. I felt awful for bringing that up.

"Oh sorry. I lost my father. Just a couple weeks ago." I said looking down.

His stare lightened and I could see his face shift into a sorry look.

"I guess we've all lost something. I'm sorry for your loss." He said looking at me again. This time though he seemed genuine and nice.

Rick walked into the room and picked up Judith.

"Why don't you show Andrew here around the house and then you can show him around Alexandria too and maybe introduce him to the other kids around here." Rick said. Then he took my mom and Judith outside to show her around.

I followed Carl upstairs he showed me the different rooms until we got to his.

"It isn't anything special. I don't really have anything to put in a room." Carl said. His room was quite bare, other than furniture, all he had were a few comic books.

"It's nice though… So how long have you guys been here?" I asked him while we both sat on the edge of his bed.

"Just a couple weeks. We haven't been here long at all." He said.

"So do you trust all these people?" I asked.

"Well sort of. They're really nice people here. There are a few who are a little strange too." He said not looking at me again.

"Do you trust me?" I asked. What a stupid question of course he had just met me... He didn't trust me. Although other people here seemed to trust me. I myself have started trusting people here already.

"Well I don't know. You seem kind of normal but, you do ask a lot of questions." He said with sarcasm and a little laugh. Then he paused.

"Do you trust me?" He said looking at me. I could sense a little sarcasm in his question.

"Well yeah. You seem like a nice guy. Plus you seem to spend most of your day with a baby. How can you not trust someone with a baby as adorable as Judith!" I said smiling.

"True!" He laughed a little and smiled too.

I made him smile.

I hadn't seen him smile. He had a damn good smile.


	2. Chapter 2: Happiness

Chapter 2: Happiness

A week has passed since I first walked into these walls. It's been surprisingly hard to adjust to life here. I'm trying too. It just isn't easy. My mother was given a job from Deanna, after her interview. She is to help father Gabriel with his church services. It's almost as if she's going back to her old life. Even though we're here and safe, she just isn't happy. I can tell she's still depressed. She doesn't really talk much anymore. She used to spend all her time talking to people but now she's just so quite. I can tell that my dad's death is still effecting her. I moved past it… So can she.

I haven't really gotten to know the rest of Carl's group. I met a few of the at the party at Deanna's house when I first got here but other than that everyone just seems to be off doing their own thing these days. The party at Deanna's was weird too. The people here are really nice for the most part but, it's like they aren't living in the apocalypse. They've all lost someone, I don't think anyone hasn't, yet they're still so clueless as to what life is like outside these walls…

Anyway, I've spent this entire week with Carl. We usually sit around and watch Judith but, if we're not with her we're off exploring Alexandria together. We haven't really talked much about our lives before Alexandria. It's just not an easy topic of conversation. I want to know more about him it's just so difficult to talk about what life was like. It's a painful subject. It isn't too fun to be reminded of what we've lost. We still find things to talk and laugh about though. It's been fun. In this week something changed between Carl and I. We've gotten really close. I think we both are just happy to have someone that's been through what we've been through. None of the other kids here in Alexandria know what it's like to be out there.

The thing about Carl is that I'm starting to feel things for him that someone wouldn't feel for just a friend. I'm not even sure if I'm gay or whatever. I haven't really had the time to look into it. I've always been told I was going to grow up and marry a girl and have kids. I never considered I could like someone other than a girl. I never expected to start liking a boy. I don't know what's gotten into me. Maybe it's because I've been so lonely that I've grown these feelings for Carl. I can tell that for Carl our relationship is about having a friend who understands him and nothing more. Unfortunately when I'm around him I get these feelings and I don't want these feelings to ruin things between us. I just need to start thinking clearly.

Carl and I had just snuck out of Alexandria. He didn't tell me how he knew a way out all he said was to follow him. So I did. We found a place just in the forest next to the town to sit and hangout. It was nice being out of Alexandria. It was nice knowing that I wasn't confined to those walls. Even if they were safe.

Once we got settled on a fallen tree Carl started asking me questions.

"So… If you don't mind me asking, what was your father like?" He asked.

"That's a loaded question!" I said with a laugh but continued when I realized he was serious. "He was a stern man. He liked rules and discipline. He was a manly man. He and I never really got along. He always favored my older brother more than me. My brother was into sports and went into the military just like my father. Me on the other hand was nothing like him. I liked to read, hated anything sports related, and never planned to join the military. My father and I just didn't have anything in common so he didn't take any time to get to know me." I said. It was true he and I didn't get along. In all reality I just didn't like that man. Even though he's dead and probably the only reason my mom and I got here I continued to resented him. He spent my childhood Ignoring my existence. To him I was just the son he knew would never make him proud. Yet I'm the only one that's survived this hell. He still wouldn't be proud.

"He should've gotten to know you… I'm glad I did" Carl said. He smiled at me. He was trying to make me feel better. He did. His smile was all I needed to forget my father.

"I'm glad I got to know you too." I replied with a smile.

It was in that moment I felt that something for Carl. In that moment I felt an unprecedented urge to kiss him. To bring us together.

"I can't believe we've only known each other for a week." Carl mumbled toward the ground.

"I know… It feels like I've known you for a lifetime." I said. I looked up at him and he was looking back at me with those bright blue eyes with a small smile. I couldn't control the urge anymore. I had to kiss him. So I leaned in and put my lips onto his without any warning. At first he was stiff but I felt him relax a little and push his lips into mine a little. In this moment I was the happiest I had been in months. Then out of nowhere he pushed me away and stood up.

"I think we should get back." Was all he said.

Shit. I had ruined this. I ruined our friendship and their wasn't anyway to fix it. I just couldn't control myself.

"I'm sorry. I-ah- I don't know what got into me. I'm an idiot. Sorry." I said trying to explain my idiotic actions.

"Andrew, I think it'd just be best that we go back." He said and began to walk back to Alexandria.

"Sorry." Was all I could say back.

We walked back in complete silence.

I knew that I couldn't talk to my mother about my problem with carl. She and my father used to make it very clear how they felt about those "Faggot sinners". It never bothered me that they did't like gay people at all… Well not until now. Since I couldn't talk to her I figured I'd talk to one of the only people who might be able to help.

"Oh Hey Andrew! Do you need something?" Said Aaron at the door of his and Eric's house.

"Um… Could we talk?" I replied. I was trying to avoid eye contact because I knew this was going to be awkward and I didn't want to see his reactions.

"Sure come on in." He said. He lead me into his living room which was very clean and nicely decorated. We sat across from each other with a coffee table between us.

"So what do you want to talk about Andrew?" He asked.

"Well this is kind of awkward but… How did you know you were um… Gay?" I asked quietly. I completely avoided eye contact.

"That's not a weird question. I guess I always knew I never felt like anything else. It was always who I was. Who I am." He said calmly.

"Is there something going on Andrew? Do you want to talk about it?" He asked nicely.

"You have spent an awful lot of time with Carl!" He said and laughed.

"That's not funny!" I said with a big smile and was obviously blushing.

"So what's up Andrew?" He asked in a serious tone.

"Well it is about Carl actually. I just have these feelings and I don't know. I'm just confused." I said.

"It's normal for someone your age to have these feelings." He said. I could tell he wasn't sure about what to say but he was trying to say the right thing.

"I know that. I just don't know why I have to be feeling those feelings for him. It's just making everything more complicated." I said.

"Well you can't really choose who you like. Have you talked to him about this? Maybe he's feeling something too." Aaron said trying to make me feel better.

"Well I kind of kissed him today. It didn't turn out well. He pushed me off. I apologized but he didn't care and we haven't talked about it since." I explained.

"Well maybe you should go talk to him." Aaron suggested.

"And Say what? "Oh hey I may or may not be gay but it doesn't matter because my mom will disown me if she ever finds out I kissed a boy." That sound's like a plan." I said with a hint of anger and a whole bunch of sarcasm.

"Well I don't think that's the best pick-up line but it might work!" Aaron said trying to lighten the mood.

"Ha. Ha. You're sooo funny." I said with playful sarcasm.

"Just go talk to him Andrew. We can deal with your mom later. Anyway I doubt she'd disown you. You're all she has left." He said trying to reassure me.

"I hope she doesn't." I said.

"I'll go talk to him." I said and got up to leave.

"Good luck!" Aaron yelled out the door as I walked toward Carl's house.

When I found Carl he was in his room lying on his bed reading a comic book.

"Hey Carl, can we talk?" I asked standing awkwardly in his room.

"About what?" He replied coldly not looking away from his comic.

"About what happened out there." I replied calmly.

"What about it?" He said still not looking at me.

"I kissed you Carl and you obviously did't like it and now things are awkward." I said plainly.

"This isn't my fault." He said finally looking at me. He didn't show any emotion. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He just stared right at me awaiting my response.

"I never said it was your fault. It was my fault. I kissed you." I said trying not to show any emotion either.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you kiss me?" He asked looking back at his comic.

"I don't know." I lied. I kissed him because I liked him. I wanted to kiss him. I shouldn't have but I wanted to.

"Of course you know. You don't just kiss someone without a reason." He said looking back at me.

"So why'd you do it?" he asked again.

"I guess I did it because I wanted to." I confessed. I tried not to look at him. I didn't want to see his reaction.

"See that's a reason." He said plainly.

"Did you know that was my first kiss." He said softly. I looked at him and he was making direct eye contact waiting for my response yet again.

"It was my first kiss too." I replied. I totally forgot about first kisses. I haven't had the luxury to worry about something like first kisses for awhile now. I didn't even think about how I've never kissed someone before. I had a few girlfriends before but I never kissed any of them. I'm glad my first kiss was with him. Even if he wasn't happy about it.

"It was so random. You could have given me a warning Andrew. I would have brushed my teeth better." Carl said laughing. Finally lightening up.

"Sorry. I felt like it was a good moment." I replied with a smile.

He stood up and smiled back at me. He walked toward the door and stopped in the doorway. He said something that shocked me.

"I'm happy that my first kiss was with you." He smiled and he walked out of the room. Leaving me shocked.

He wasn't mad at me.

He was happy.


	3. Chapter 3: Anger

Chapter 3:

It's been a month since I kissed Carl. We haven't talked about it since that day. We've just been going through our lives as normally as possible. Which is hard to do when it is completely impossible to ignoring my feelings for Carl although I have been trying. I try to talk about our kiss but, he keeps changing the subject. I think he's starting to get annoyed that I've been trying to talk about it so I'm just going to try and wait until the right time to bring it up again. He doesn't seem nearly as interested talking about it as I am.

I like it in Alexandria. Everyone has a job and it seems that as long as everyone focuses on their job everything runs smoothly. Carl and I's job is to watch Judith and go to the small makeshift school they have for kids here. The other kids here are interesting to say the least. They obviously haven't seen much of what it's like out side these walls. They're still fun to hang out with, even if they're sheltered.

******************************************************************************I've had to really focus on not thinking about Carl but it's extremely difficult considering we're together all the time. Carl and I are about to go hang out at Mikey's house. Mikey's a nice kid. He's the same age as Carl, so just a little younger than me. He also has a lot of the same features as Carl. He has long hair and he's somewhat tall for his age, but he doesn't have Carl's blue eyes. Once Carl and I arrive we head up to Mikey's room.

"So, what do you guys want to do?" Mikey looked back and forth between Carl and I waiting for an answer.

Carl looked at me, seeming to have trouble thinking of something.

"We could play some card games." I offered.

"That sounds fun!" Mikey ran to get a deck of cards from down stairs.

"What game are we gonna play" Carl asked while we wait for Mikey.

"Go fish probably." I joked.

Once Mikey came back we played card games for awhile until we got bored.

"Lets play truth or dare" Mikey suggested excitedly. "I've never played before! It won't be as fun without any girls but I still want to play!" He begged.

Carl and I exchanged a small glance and both agreed.

This is my chance. This is how I can find out if Carl is feeling anything like what I'm feeling for him.

"Andrew! Truth or dare?" Mikey started.

"Truth." It's always easier than dares.

"Have you ever kissed someone?" Mikey quickly asked.

Carl avoided eye contact with me as I replied "Yes." He may want to forget about it and although I've tried to forget as well. I will never forget.

"What? Really! Who?" Mikey questioned shocked that I have kissed someone. I guess he thinks I'm not the type to be kissing people.

"Was it someone from here? Was it that Enid girl?"

"No it wasn't Enid." I smiled looking at Carl, while he avoided eye contact, because I know he knows who I kissed.

"I'm not telling you who it was. You're gonna have to wait until the next time I pick truth so you can ask" I replied. Mikey groaned in defeat.

"Anyway it's my turn now." I had to change the subject. I could tell Carl didn't want me to talk about it even though I think at this point we should.

"Carl, truth or dare?" Carl just looked at me while he weighed his options.

"Do I have to pick one?" I could tell he was worried about what I'd ask him or tell him to do.

"Yes, you have to pick one otherwise it's no fun." Mikey said trying to pressure Carl.

"Fine. Truth I guess." He was still worried.

"Do you like anyone?" I asked him with confidence. I don't want to show any weakness or anything. This is my chance to see if Carl is feeling anything like what I'm feeling for him. Carl rolled his eyes and looked me right in the and said

"No."

"I don't blame you." Mikey agreed. "The only girl our age here is Enid and I think she and Ron are becoming a thing."

Carl and I hadn't broken eye contact yet. We both ignored Mikey as he talked about the other kids our age here. Carl was obviously angry at me for asking him if he liked anyone and if he wanted to a stare down then a stare down is what he would get.

"Is there something wrong?" Mikey noticed us staring at each other.

"No." Carl said. "Andrew just can't take a hint."

"What's going on?" Mikey was obviously confused and had no idea what was going on between us two. We both ignored him.

"You said you were happy that it was me and then you never talked about it again! So I'm sorry for trying to bring it up! I think we should talk about it! It's healthy to talk about thing ya know?!" I started to raise my voice.

"I am so lost." Mikey commented as he watched not knowing I was talking about when Carl and I kissed. We ignored him again.

Carl stood up and began to yell "I didn't talk about it because I wanted to forget it happened. Yet you keep trying to bring it up and then the very first chance you get playing this stupid game you bring it up AGAIN and in front of someone else! I don't want to talk about it! I'm not fucking gay Andrew!"

Mikey stood up trying to get our attention.

"Wait what!? I am so lost what is going on!? who's gay!?" Mikey yelled out, trying to get our attention. We continued to ignore him.

I stood up too and yelled "I never said you were gay Carl!"

"Well then stop trying to talk about that stupid fucking kiss!" he said still furious as he moved closer to me.

"You said you were happy that I kissed you! Don't you think we should talk about that!?" I yelled back and moved closer to him.

"Wait you two kissed!?" Mikey yelled and we yet again ignored him and he continued to watch our fight.

"No I don't think we should!" Carl moved in more and yelled again.

At this point Carl and I were only inches from each other. I was so angry and just to spite him that instead of yelling at him again I grabbed his checks with my hands and pushed our lips together. This time Carl Pushed his lips fully into the kiss. We both put all of our anger into this kiss. Our lips moved perfectly with each other. Then out of no where Carl pushed me away from him and onto the floor. Mikey continued to watch in silence as this all unfolded. Carl wiped off his mouth and yelled "I'm not Gay Andrew! Don't come near me again you fucking Faggot!" and he ran out the door and down the stairs.

Mikey and I sat in silence long after we heard Carl run out of his house.

I couldn't help but start to get emotional. I could feel my eyes begin to fill with water as I sat against the wall in Mikey's room. He sat on his bed just looking at me, waiting for me to say something. That's when I finally processed what had just happened and I started to cry. I couldn't help but begin to sob. It was the most embarrassing thing ever. To sit in someone's room and cry because a boy rejected you. I felt so ashamed. So little.

I heard Mikey stand up and began to walk over to me. He sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I put my face against his chest and cried. We sat there for a few minutes, just me crying into Mikey while he held me.

After I stopped crying Mikey and I sat on his bed and decided to talk about what just happened. I explained to him how Carl and I had kissed and how Carl had said that he was happy that I was his first kiss. I also told him that over the last month I tried to talk with Carl about the kiss and every time I mentioned it he changed to subject and completely ignored the fact that we ever kissed.

"Maybe he's just in denial" Mikey was trying to comfort me.

"No I think he's definitely decided he wants nothing to do with me." I replied.

"I don't know. I had a front row seat to that kiss you two just had and it definitely looked like he was into it and into you." Mikey tried to lighten the mood.

"Maybe he just wanted to try kissing me again and well he got to try it and he didn't like it." I argued.

"No. I think he's in denial or something. You two were going at it! He had to of liked it!" Mikey and I laughed.

It got quite again.

"So you're gay?" Mikey asked breaking the silence.

"I honestly don't know. I don't know if I only like boys. I just know I like one boy and that's not working out too well for me!" I said trying to make a little joke out of the situation.

"It's okay if you're gay." Mikey said trying to be supportive.

"Thanks Mikey" I smiled.

"No problem." He smiled back. "If you ever need to cry again just come on over and I'll let you borrow my shoulder any time!" Mikey said trying to be funny.

"Thanks Mikey but, I'm going try avoiding crying for awhile but, if I cry again I'll be sure to come right on over!" I said with a smile and got up to leave.

"Before I go Mikey, I really would like to thank you. I'm sorry you had witness all that but, it is really nice know I've got a friend. If you ever need to cry I'm here too!" I said with a smile and headed home.

Unfortunately my mother and I were still living with Rick and Carl. So I headed home and had to face Carl right away.

I hadn't noticed how late it was until I got home and my mom and Rick were sitting in the living room.

"Where were you at?" My mother asked angrily.

"I was at a Mikey's house." I replied shocked that she seemed so mad.

"What were you doing there?" She questioned.

"We were just hanging out. Why?" I asked starting to get annoyed that she was so mad.

"I need you to be home before dark from now on." She replied ignoring my question.

"That goes for Carl too. You can tell him. He's up in his room." Rick said agreeing with my mom's curfew.

I headed up to Carl's room and knocked on his door.

"Go away." He said coldly.

"Can we talk?" I replied.

"No. Go away!" He said again.

"Carl c'mon just let me in so we can just talk."

"Fine."

He opened his door and laid on his bed. I mustered all my courage and walked in and closed the door behind me.

"I'm sorry about kissing you Carl but, you have to admit that I wasn't the only one doing the kissing there. You kissed me back just as much as I kissed you." I began.

He sat up on the edge of his bed, not saying anything and looked at me.

I couldn't hold anything in anymore. "Maybe you aren't gay. Maybe you aren't a faggot. But I think you did enjoy that kiss just as much as I did. I think I deserve an apology too. You had no right to yell at me the way you did even if it's true and I am a fucking faggot! You had no right! You had no right to make me feel the way I do right now! I was so mad after you pushed me off and you said what you said. I was so mad! I also felt so stupid to think there was something going on between us. Then as I walked home I thought about it and I shouldn't be mad at you or at myself. I should feel sorry because there is something going on between and there's something going on with you and I want to be here for you!" I said while I cried.

"I'm sorry." Carl said quietly. " I haven't thought about what's outside those walls at all today. While I was kissing you, in that moment, I forgot about all of the people I've lost and all of the people I could lose and that scares me. I don't want to become weak and forget what's outside these walls like everyone else in here but, when I'm around you I can't think about anything but you and that scares me so much."

He's right. This past month I've thought of anything outside these walls I've only thought of him. We could die at any moment. A walker could get in here and kill us and I haven't thought about that this whole time.

"I'm sorry I called you a faggot. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at myself for letting myself forget about the world that we live in." he said.

"I was mad because all I can ever think about is you." He looked me in the eyes.

**A/N **

**I'm so sorry this took so long. I wrote this chapter a few months ago and completely forgot. I'm going to try and update more regularly but no promises just yet. Thank you so much for reading! **


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